Sometimes He's Not Ready, and It's Okay to Move On

Let's keep it real.  Women mature at a much faster rate than men.  It's not a good thing.  It's not a bad thing. It just is.  I am not saying that this is the rule; however, it is the trend.  Still, what I observe, over and over again, are women who are not willing to acquiesce to this reality.  Although your relationship may appear perfect and every one keeps asking when the two of you will wed, sometimes a man is just not ready to settle down, and if you cannot accept that, it is okay to walk away.

There's a saying that goes, "Women marry when they fall in love, men marry when they are ready."  That single sentence holds an alarming degree of truth.  Let's explore the traditional role of men and women in relationships (at this time, all of the feminists may now exit stage left - please reemerge circa paragraph 4).  Traditionally, men are viewed as providers, while women are nurturers.  Whether you consciously ascribe to these gender roles or not, these characteristics have become ingrained in our psyches due to social influences.

That said, many men do not want to settle down until they have their professional and financial lives in order.  Many women assume that men just want to play the field, but that's not all there is to it.  Think about it.  Not only do they have the pressure of purchasing the perfect rock (re: pink, princess cut, seven carats, please and thank you), they also need to make sure they can finance a wedding, honeymoon, and bring home the bacon.  Right now, many of you are thinking, WE can pay for that together.  Still, the idea of a man having to depend on a woman for financial support can be very emasculating.

Another reason men lag behind when it comes to settling down is the same reason that Baskin Robbins has 31 flavors.  Imagine this, someone gives you a bag of Skittles.  You open the bag and pop one in your mouth - then and there, you decide this is the best tasting skittle you have ever had - do you only eat that single Skittle, or do you still want to sample the rest?  Hell, you don't even like lemons, but you want to try the lemon Skittle.  Now, picture your favorite Skittle and imagine someone telling you that you can only eat that favorite Skittle for the rest of your life.  How appealing does that sound?

So yeah, the idea of settling down is sort of like that for men.  Men are always looking for the next best thing.  And if not that, they just want the opportunity to taste the rainbow - literally and figuratively.  Men do not draw wedding dresses and fantasize about reception halls.  Society didn't raise them to revere their wedding day.  Nevertheless, I would venture to say that women and men are not so different.  Many women probably do possess the same apprehensions about commitment; however, they have the fantasy of their dream wedding to help diffuse that anxiety.

And the final reason men are not on the same page when it comes to putting a ring on it, like Bey said: Libido!  Men reach their sexual peak a lot sooner than women.  Men are looking to get it in, while in their younger years.  Their hormones are still raging, and they are checking out every pretty, young thang that passes their way.  They don't have a biological clock.  They're not worried about making sure they conceive before the age of 35.  They're not worried about being stuck as a single mother.  They are looking for some kinky calisthenics!  By the time a woman starts thinking about the shelf life of her eggs, many men have only just mastered the lotus.

Now that you understand the many reasons that a man may not be ready to settle down, understand that it is okay to walk away from that relationship, if you are not happy with his choice.  I think that people view breaking up as the tragic end to something.  It does not have to be that way.  Start thinking about breakups as graduations.  The prospects of the future are so bright, you hardly have time to dwell on those short-lived tears.  You know the people who are depressed at graduation?  The ones who are content to live in the past.

Moreover, stop trying to vilify a man because he is not prepared to settle down.  This does not make him a f*****g p***k.  You hold your fate in your own hands.  Set boundaries in your relationship, and let a man know what your plans are.  Never be afraid to act on what you have declared to be your deal breakers.  It's okay to walk away from a relationship that does not fully fulfill you.  Go on your next adventure; you never know who is destined to have a recurring role in your future.